Defender of Women's rights

Next on our hit list is contraceptives. Sex outside of marriage will be outlawed. Full body burkas will be mandatory for all women in public, and they must be accompanied by an adult male relative at all times. Women will no longer be allowed to drive a car. Men will be allowed to grab any pussy that does not follow our strict dress code or rules of conduct. (I'm looking at you, Anita.) Sharia law will be the law of the land.

And if you're gay, you can either leave America or be sent to one of our new re-education centers created just for you. These centers will provide you with a stylish, striped uniform and tattoo your arm with a beautiful and personalized serial number, set aside just for you. If you're overweight, like most of us are, your new dietary regimen will ensure you'll have that highly sought after, rail thin, bony physique of the hottest runway fashion models. All provided free of charge by the government at no expense to you.

For those of you concerned about the overreach of government authority, be assured this court will never infringe upon your sacred second amendment rights in any fashion. Of course, we love our children as much as anyone possibly could, but we love our assault rifles much, much more.

We're working very hard to make Amerika great again.