Joe's way cool home page

If you're unwilling to embrace, or at least entertain new ideas, you're not going to grow. Evolution is a fundamental law that applies to all dynamic systems. As far as humans go, this is often referred to as a liberal arts education, but you don't have to go to an expensive school to learn that. Education, at any level is not cheap, but ignorance and intolerance is much worse.

There are times when I suffer anxiety attacks and just can't make up my mind. Sometimes I'm just too indeciduous for my own good.

Whether there's an afterlife or not, whether there's reincarnation or not, are irrelevant questions. What matters is the here and now, and what you're gonna do to make tomorrow better than today. That's what matters.

Answering yes to either of the above questions empowers forces beyond your own free will.

I'm a big fan of expressing gratitude for the many wonderful things in my life, but honestly, I'm getting a little tired thanking god all the time. It's about time he thanked me for all the wonderful things I've done for others.

I was having a bad day not long ago. I prayed out loud, “oh God, who art in heaven...” I heard a voice in my head that said, “no, I'm right here, I've been here all along, but for sure you're gonna rot in hell, you fuckin' hypocritical son of a bitch.”

These days when I have a conflicting political opinion with someone, I tell them, "there's no point in arguing with me, I'm an engineer. Furthermore, I'm a software engineer by trade, meaning that even when I've made an error (happens in extremely rare sircumstances), I can work around the problem with other clever ideas."

The US Constitution was written by white, male, Christian, property owners, for the benefit of white, male, Christian, property owners. If you weren't a white, male, Christian, property owner, it wasn't such a great deal. That's still true today.

If we're gonna talk about originalism, I'm ok with muskets and flintlocks. But we've come a long way since then. (Everything stands in a context.) I'm a strong advocate of extra crispyism, and flamethrowers are a lot more fun. (But I guess common sense is out of context here.)

I've long thought that when what happens to someone on the other side of the planet affects me as much as if it were a close relative or neighbor, we would have peace on earth.

The person who ate an undercooked bat in China and the worldwide outrage over the murder of George Floyd are evidence that we're getting to that point.

To Frank: My cardiologist is a cold hearted SOB and my podiatrist is callous. My proctologist is a pain in the ass. My internist is Dr. Jack Kevorkian and my neurosurgeon is Dr. Frankenstein. My eye doctor and I don't really see eye to eye about much of anything so I had to find another ophthalmologist. My plastic surgeon said my face can't be saved. I asked him for a 2nd opinion. He said, "you're an idiot too."

God, on test driven development:

Confessions of a retired Mafia hit man:

The law of survival doesn't favor the strongest, the fastest, the fittest or even the smartest, and certainly not the most stubborn. It favors the most adaptable. Viruses and bacteria understand this. A lot of people don't.

Defecato ergo sum, or in more common vernacular, I flatulate, therefore I am. (With AI, I don't need to think no mo'.)

In my next life, I want Miles Davis to nod toward me and say, 'that cat plays like a muthafuker'.

Would you rather be a small man with big ideas, or a big man with no ideas? I'd rather be a big man with big ideas. I'm a short guy. You can't win them all.

I do take umbrage about many things. But as a considerate person, I put it back when I'm done.

Last week I defenestrated my doppelganger. Walking away from that one was easier for me than it was for him.

I'm outside my comfort zone so often these days that when I'm in my comfort zone, I feel uncomfortable.

I gotta million of 'em. Some of 'em are actually funny. Unfortunately, most of them will get me in trouble with HR.

For those of us who possess free will, life is a consequence of the decisions we've made. For those of us who possess free wifi, life is good.

You won't be remembered for what you got. But you might be remembered for what you gave.

My mood swings are so extreme and unpredictable that my emotional support dog needs an emotional support dog.

To anti-vaxxers I say, go get your own planet, because you're not entitled to live on this one. And if you're lucky enough to find one that's flat, more power to you.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a woman's heart is through her ears. It's unfortunate that it's taken me so many years to become a good bullshitter, but my wife is a great cook, no BS there.

I've been a bottom feeder most of my life. I'm not ashamed of it. Never forget, scum always rises to the top.

I threw caution to the wind and it blew the road sign right back into my face.

I'm trying to find a podiatric dentist, a specialist who can help me with my chronic foot in mouth disease. It flares up every so often and always at the most inappropriate times. Maybe I should cut down on high glycemic foods, not sure.

Your one stop source for all your body part needs, both generic and built to spec. Check our extensive catalog for pricing and options. Sorry, we no longer carry low margin limbs and appendages. We suggest you visit Alibaba for that. Chinese prisons have plenty of stock on hand for those customers.

* Jill Feculence is the much more refined and sophisticated cousin of her better known relative.

Do what you do best, which is why I don't do anything. Now that I'm retired, I'm cool with that. And I do it well, too. If you've read this far and come to the conclusion that I'm out of my mind, you can kiss my ass.