Joe's way cool home page

Something even more pithy goes here

If you're unwilling to embrace, or at least entertain new ideas, you're not going to grow. Evolution is a fundamental law that applies to all dynamic systems. As far as humans go, this is often referred to as a liberal arts education, but you don't have to go to an expensive school to learn that. Education, at any level is not cheap, but ignorance and intolerance is much worse.

There are times when I suffer anxiety attacks and just can't make up my mind. Sometimes I'm just too indeciduous for my own good.


Electric (Lady)Land

Old School vs New School   Brown v. Board in Israel and Palestine

Free Speech On Campus

The New World Order   The Warning

Burn, Baby Burn   The Grid


Hot Links   God's tools

Lefty and Righty   

Amerika 2024   Trump 2024

Joe Guzzatra's Greatest Hits as sung by Clarence Thomas

The things we take for granted are the best gifts of all.

The best things in life are free. Everything else is overpriced.

Whether there's an afterlife or not, whether there's reincarnation or not, are irrelevant questions. What matters is the here and now, and what you're gonna do to make tomorrow better than today. That's what matters.

Answering yes to either of the above questions empowers forces beyond your own free will.

I'm a big fan of expressing gratitude for the many wonderful things in my life, but honestly, I'm getting a little tired thanking god all the time. It's about time he thanked me for all the wonderful things I've done for others.

And then the Lord smiled upon the countenance of her beloved son Joseph, and she spoketh, “well first of all you son of a bitch, I'm a woman.”

I was having a bad day not long ago. I prayed out loud, “oh God, who art in heaven...” I heard a voice in my head that said, “no, I'm right here, I've been here all along, but for sure you're gonna rot in hell, you fuckin' hypocritical son of a bitch.”

These days when I have a conflicting political opinion with someone, I tell them, "there's no point in arguing with me, I'm an engineer. Furthermore, I'm a software engineer by trade, meaning that even when I've made an error (happens in extremely rare sircumstances), I can work around the problem with other clever ideas."

The US Constitution was written by white, male, Christian, property owners, for the benefit of white, male, Christian, property owners. If you weren't a white, male, Christian, property owner, it wasn't such a great deal. That's still true today.

If we're gonna talk about originalism, I'm ok with muskets and flintlocks. But we've come a long way since then. (Everything stands in a context.) I'm a strong advocate of extra crispyism, and flamethrowers are a lot more fun. (But I guess common sense is out of context here.)

I've long thought that when what happens to someone on the other side of the planet affects me as much as if it were a close relative or neighbor, we would have peace on earth.

The person who ate an undercooked bat in China and the worldwide outrage over the murder of George Floyd are evidence that we're getting to that point.

To Frank:

I'm going to be Joe with you Frank. Now, don't take this personally, I'm not singling you out here. I'm Joe with just about everyone except my wife. She calls me... Well, I won't tell you what she calls me.

My cardiologist is a cold hearted SOB and my podiatrist is callous. My proctologist is a pain in the ass. My internist is Dr. Jack Kevorkian and my neurosurgeon is Dr. Frankenstein. My eye doctor and I don't really see eye to eye about much of anything so I had to find another ophthalmologist. My plastic surgeon said my face can't be saved. I asked him for a 2nd opinion. He said, "you're an idiot too."

God, on test driven development:

Dang, I forgot to include that test case in the build where the asteroid hits the earth. Had I included it, the build would've failed. So now we're left with humans overpopulating and destroying the planet. And those dinosaurs were so cute.

Confessions of a retired Mafia hit man:

Of the 16 people that I murdered, 11 of them were ass wholes who deserved their fate. Yes, I do admit that the remaining 7 victims were innocent bystanders, who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody's perfect, but I did ace undergraduate calculus.

The law of survival doesn't favor the strongest, the fastest, the fittest or even the smartest, and certainly not the most stubborn. It favors the most adaptable. Viruses and bacteria understand this. A lot of people don't.

Guzzardo Home

Cosmic Condom   Science

Patriots    The Pepsi Challenge

Super Bowl LII   Yuli Gurriel

Where's the outrage?   Bad Ideas

Wayne Lapierre   The love of my life

Originalism   The Second Amendment

The price of freedom

Who Matters?   Star Child

Satchmo   Miles

MJ vs LJ   Dream no small dreams

Jerry Mander for Congress

I support the women's movement, but it don't mean Jill Feculence*

My claim to fame   We work?

Eclipse August 21, 2017

Life is a journey, and when you reach your destination, you're dead.

Life is a brief interval between 2 eternities.

Introducing the NRA's first gun share program.

Defecato ergo sum, or in more common vernacular, I flatulate, therefore I am. (With AI, I don't need to think no mo'.)

In my next life, I want Miles Davis to nod toward me and say, 'that cat plays like a muthafuker'.

Would you rather be a small man with big ideas, or a big man with no ideas? I'd rather be a big man with big ideas. I'm a short guy. You can't win them all.

I do take umbrage about many things. But as a considerate person, I put it back when I'm done.

Last week I defenestrated my doppelganger. Walking away from that one was easier for me than it was for him.

I'm outside my comfort zone so often these days that when I'm in my comfort zone, I feel uncomfortable.

I gotta million of 'em. Some of 'em are actually funny. Unfortunately, most of them will get me in trouble with HR.

This life is a test. Had you lived a less meaningful life, the test would've been easier.

Masochists have more fun.

I'd rather do hard things poorly than easy things well. Being a masochist makes this easier.

Underneath my gruff, crusty exterior, there's an even gruffier, crustier interior.

For those of us who possess free will, life is a consequence of the decisions we've made. For those of us who possess free wifi, life is good.

You won't be remembered for what you got. But you might be remembered for what you gave.

I started taking Viagra a few months ago. It's been a tremendous boon to my doggle.

What I lack in skill, I make up for with lethargy.


My mood swings are so extreme and unpredictable that my emotional support dog needs an emotional support dog.

To anti-vaxxers I say, go get your own planet, because you're not entitled to live on this one. And if you're lucky enough to find one that's flat, more power to you.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a woman's heart is through her ears. It's unfortunate that it's taken me so many years to become a good bullshitter, but my wife is a great cook, no BS there.

I've been a bottom feeder most of my life. I'm not ashamed of it. Never forget, scum always rises to the top.

I threw caution to the wind and it blew the road sign right back into my face.

I'm trying to find a podiatric dentist, a specialist who can help me with my chronic foot in mouth disease. It flares up every so often and always at the most inappropriate times. Maybe I should cut down on high glycemic foods, not sure.

Joe's Embryos and Torsos Warehouse.

Your one stop source for all your body part needs, both generic and built to spec. Check our extensive catalog for pricing and options. Sorry, we no longer carry low margin limbs and appendages. We suggest you visit Alibaba for that. Chinese prisons have plenty of stock on hand for those customers.

* Jill Feculence is the much more refined and sophisticated cousin of her better known relative.

Do what you do best, which is why I don't do anything. Now that I'm retired, I'm cool with that. And I do it well, too. If you've read this far and come to the conclusion that I'm out of my mind, you can kiss my ass.